Perspective

Perspective

Perspective.  According to the old Oxford American dictionary that I have sitting on my shelf (the fact that it is an actual dictionary and not just a website should say something about how old it is), the second definition of the word perspective is: “the apparent relationship between visible objects as to position, distance, etc.”  There are a few words here that I find interesting, particularly the word apparent. 

Now I know that you are saying to yourself (especially if you too took the time to look up the word perspective) that this is referring to the angle or direction that you are viewing something (especially since the first definition talks about perspective style of art).  And if you were to keep reading in my dictionary you would find that the fourth definition is “a mental picture of the relative importance of things.”  While this is an accurate definition of the word perspective in the context in which I am speaking (as in perspective on life, whether in general or on a specific aspect of life), I would like to return to the first definition that I gave.  Perspective is “the apparent relationship between visible objects.”

Apparent.  Perspective is the apparent relationship between things.  Now turning to the word apparent I find two somewhat contradicting definitions:  “clearly seen or understood” vs. “seeming but not real.”  So perspective may or may not be real.  It may be clear, or it may not be real (or both).

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on the importance of perspective in life.  In the most simplistic example, I was very concerned about my physics final.  Then I starting looking into and discovered that the grade that I needed on the final was lower than the grade that I had gotten on any of the previous test.  All of the sudden, I wasn’t nearly so worried about my physics final.  I saw the bigger picture and I wasn’t nearly so worried.  And at that, it wasn’t the biggest picture, it was just a bigger picture.

Its amazing how it changes things when we change our perspective.  It seems that every time that I stress out about something, that all my stress goes away with just a simple change of perspective.  I say simple, but changing your perspective can be extremely difficult.

I was on a date recently, and my date commented that in a few years we are going to look back at this time of our life and all of the stress that we have over dating and laugh and realize that it really wasn’t worth all of the stress.  And she’s right.  When I can maintain the perspective that God is in control and that if I do my best then everything will work out,  then my life is much less stressful and I feel much hopeful about my life.  Applying it specifically to dating (since that specifically talking about the stress involved in the whole dating game at BYU), when I maintain that perspective then I feel much more confident in my dating life; and interestingly enough, things tend to work out better for me too.

The power of perspective – it’s the power to change your life.  So keep things in perspective and know that everything will work out.

Service

Service

It is interesting to me, that the best cure to a broken heart, to sadness, is to forget one’s self in the service of others.  Yet, this is the exact opposite of the natural reaction.  Our natural reaction when we feel hurt or down is to focus on our own problems.  It becomes a self-perpetuating cycle because, as we focus more on our own problems, we fall deeper into despair and self-pity, which in turn leads to being even more wrapped up in our own problems.

Many times, we just want someone to put their arm around us and sincerely as us how we are doing.  We just want someone to succor us in our need.

Sometimes, people belittle our problems saying things like, “your problems aren’t that bad, there are other people that are have problems that are much worse than yours.”  I don’t think that people are usually trying to hurt us or make us feel even worse, though I think that is usually the result.  What we are looking for is the exact opposite of what they are doing for us.  They often don’t realize that they could make such a difference by just taking a moment to sincerely care about us, rather than to brush our problems aside.  And at some point in time, I daresay that all of us have been on both sides of the situation – we have all wished for someone to care about us and have also been the one missing the opportunity to care about someone else.

The irony of the situation is that the best way for us to receive the help that we so desperately desire, is to take the time to give that help to someone else.  President Hinckley once said that the best sure for a broken heart is to lose yourself in the service of others.  He was right.

I can think back on times of great difficulty in my life, and I realize that when I forgot about my problems and went to the aid of others, that my wounds were also healed.  As you are the Lord’s hands to help and lift others, He also helps and lifts you.  When you are on the Lord’s errand, He is on yours.

So when you are down, look for the opportunity to help others.  Take the time to ask the Lord to help lose yourself in the service of others.  Before long, you will discover that you are happy.  It doesn’t mean that your problems are gone.  They usually aren’t.  But you will have the strength of the Lord to overcome, and you will have His joy in your heart because you will  know that you are helping in a greater cause.

A Smile

Its amazing, the power of a smile.  I've noticed lately.  I've been looking people in the eye and smiling at them (not like a creeper smile, but a friendly one).  Many of those who will actually look at me (there are so many people that refuse to make eye contact, I was surprised) return the smile while most of those who would not look at me (as though if looking at me would violate my personal space or something) did not smile.

Through all of this, I noticed something interesting: people who are smiling are far more attractive.  It was a universal effect.  It didn't matter if someone is old or young, rich or poor, well dressed or fashion illiterate - everyone looked more attractive.  Not necessarily sexier.  Models as the walk down the runway are trained to keep a straight face and are molded to look impeccable so that they have what has been named "sex appeal."  They have been made "perfect" through a series of unnatural processes so that on a base physical level they are the epitome of desirable.  But that's not what I mean when I say attractive.

There is some underlying quality about people that we see and have assigned the name of attractive.  What makes up the components of this attribute varies from person to person but we all have seen someone that we call attractive.  Some might call it cute, other beauty, but the name isn't really that important.  For some people it is based more on physical perfection or being fashionable while for others it has more to do with the person's aura.

If you go beyond the basal, the pure physical, and move to a higher level, then the best "make over" that you can get, the best fashion choice you can make, the best beauty routine you can have is simply to smile.  We all inherently want to be happy and we are attracted to those who we perceive as being happy.

So go ahead... make yourself more attractive...

Smile

The Currency of Love and Happiness

This Christmas season it looked as though I was only going to have a short break from work for which I was going to be able to go home for Christmas.  While I wasn't thrilled by the idea of not having much time to spend at home with the family, there was a part of me that was looking forward to having the apartment to myself, to have the calm, quiet Sunday afternoon that I been longing for.  In short, I was looking forward to some quality time alone.

As it turned out, I got the entire last two weeks of the year on paid leave so I was suddenly going to be able to go home for almost two weeks.  I was excited! I was still going to have to stay in Provo for a few extra days to take care of a few things on Monday, but then I was free to go whenever I so desired (weather permitting).  I  like taking small road trips alone where I can turn up the music, sing alone at the top of my lungs and just cruise.  And since I was going to have to stay, I was still going to get the time alone that I wanted and the time at home with my family that I also wanted.  It was going to be the best of both worlds.  I was even thinking of delaying my departure by a day to get a little more time to myself.

So as finals began to wind down, my friends began to leave town to be home for the holidays.  All of my roommates live fairly close by (within an hour or so) so they could come and go as they pleased.  They were all planning on taking advantage of the time off from classes to work a little more since we are after all college students. Sunday, right after church, the two remaining roommates headed north to be with their family for some family activities, although they were going to return late that so that they could work on Monday.

My much awaited quality time with myself was here.  I had thought of so many things that morning that I was going to do with my quiet Sunday afternoon to myself.  It wasn't until they had left that I realized what it is that I love the most about the Sabbath.  Standing at the window, trying to decide which item from my list I was going to do first, listening to Josh Groban sing I'll Be Home For Christmas it dawned on me. The part of Sundays that I love the most is the time with those that I love.  While I would prefer a quieter Sunday than what my roommates provide, I love spending time with them.  I had a list of things that I wanted to do every Sunday, including writing in my Journal, calling Home, writing my mission president, and planning out my week.  They are all admirable things to be done on a Sunday, all wholesome Sabbath activities; but there is a problem with that list - they don't include spending time with others.  Calling home of course is probably more important than being with friends, but part of the Sabbath is to draw closer to the Lord by drawing closer to those that we love.

It made me stop and think.  In the world today, the pinnacle of success and happiness (as the world would have us believe) is to be wealthy and famous, no matter the cost.  Unfortunately, to reach that it usually requires a lot of focusing on one's self and neglecting that which is truly important.  The truth is that money does not make a man wealthy, love does.  All the money in the world can't buy lasting happiness.  Lasting happiness is bought with something far more valuable than money or gold or diamonds; it is bought with a commodity which we all have an equal amount; it is bought with time and giving of ourselves.  Money can hire a babysitter or a nanny, but a child needs far more than what money can buy.  A child needs to love of a parent that cannot be given with money, it is given in time.

For that is the currency of love: one's self.  One's self has different means by which it can be used: quality time, thoughtfulness, at times sacrifice.  Yet the world teaches us just the opposite: the world teaches that happiness comes from being selfish, by withholding one's self.  And so we are all busy searching for happiness by withholding the only commodity that will buy us happiness: ourselves.

Love and Happiness aren't bought with money, they are bought by giving of ourselves.

Family

Family.  A word that encompasses those people with whom we theoretically have a close genetic makeup.  I say theoretically because, well, it just doesn’t always happen that way.  My sister and I are living proof of this concept.

Our inner-family relationships are some of the most unique relationships that we have.  While in the teen years, we pretend to hate our families, sometimes even to the point that we actually believe that we do hate them; but we don’t.  We have an inherent love for them that surpasses all else.

Proof of this concept: in high school sports, the teenage guys make fun of each other regularly in a form that has come to be known as trash talk.  When it comes to trash talk, nothing is sacred.  But there is a line of sorts; a line that, if crossed, will inevitably lead to a confrontation or a serious sort.  That line is the family, specifically the mother.  You try making a “your mom” comment, and you have asked to be beat up, even if the other guy is smaller.

We will do crazy things for our families.  There are many people that we love: friends, roommates, teachers – but nothing that runs deeper than family.  Which is interesting because normally we don’t necessarily treat them that way.  If you would like some evidence, just look at two teenage siblings, particularly a brother and sister.  They are, in my mother’s words, “constantly at each others’ throats.”  But how does the older brother feel about his younger sister?  Try asking the younger sister on a date and you will see.

For our families, we will go to endless lengths.  Take, for example, the recent Thanksgiving break.  A storm that had been described as a winter hurricane and the storm of the decade (some went as far as to say the century, though the professionals in the field would disagree) was predicted to basically shut down the state of Utah.  Some, who could get out early, tried to beat the storm out.  But for those of us that couldn’t?  I don’t think that even if it had been the storm of the century that it would have stopped the majority of us.  Come hell or high water (or in this case several feet of snow), we were getting home for Thanksgiving.  We were being cautious, but we were getting home.

That’s the thing about family.  We will do virtually anything for them.  Yet interestingly enough, many times we won't be as ready to help them unless the circumstances are dire.  In an emergency we don't even hesitate to respond, but under normal circumstances, sometimes we take them for granted and refuse to go out of our way because, for some strange reason we subconsciously view their needs as lesser.  We seem very quick to judge them and sometimes we are very slow to forgive.  Sometimes family members are the slowest to accept changes (even when they are for the better).

And even as I say this, I realize that I'm not immune for this odd plague.  There is nothing that I wouldn't do for my family if they really needed it; but I too have been guilty at times of deeming a family member's need as insignificant, or even burdensome.  But it's so sad, that we would do that to those that we love the most.  Or maybe its not so much that we love them the most, as we love them to deepest.  They should be the ones that we love the most (and many times they are: husband and wife, parent to child, etc), but they aren't always (siblings, child to parent, etc.).